The Human Givens: Understanding Our Emotional Needs

As human beings, we all share fundamental emotional needs—things that help us feel happy, secure, and mentally well. The Human Givens approach highlights nine key emotional needs that shape our overall well-being. When these needs are met in a balanced way, we feel grounded and capable. But when they’re neglected, life can start to feel stressful, overwhelming, or just a bit empty.

So, what are these nine emotional needs, and how can we make sure we’re meeting them?

1. Security – Feeling Safe and Grounded

We all need to feel safe—physically, emotionally, and mentally. A stable home, job security, and reliable relationships all help create that sense of security. If you’re feeling a bit on edge, think about small steps you can take to build stability, whether that’s setting up a calming routine, putting healthy boundaries in place, or reaching out for support when you need it.

2. Attention – Giving and Receiving

Attention is something we all need—it’s as essential as food and water. We thrive when we both give and receive attention, whether that’s through conversation, acts of kindness, or simply being present with others. If you’re feeling a little disconnected, try checking in with a friend, arranging a catch-up, or just being more present in your interactions.

3. Autonomy – The Freedom to Choose

Having a sense of control over our own lives is vital for our well-being. It’s not about doing everything alone but about having the freedom to make our own choices. If life feels out of control, look for small ways to take charge—perhaps by deciding how you spend your time, setting personal goals, or making choices that align with what truly matters to you.

4. Connection – Finding Your Tribe

We are social beings, and feeling part of a community gives us a deep sense of belonging. Whether it’s through family, friendships, or shared interests, having people around who ‘get’ you makes all the difference. If you’re feeling isolated, consider joining a group, volunteering, or simply reaching out to someone for a chat.

5. Intimacy – Close and Meaningful Relationships

At least one deep, trusting relationship is key to emotional well-being. This doesn’t have to be a romantic relationship—it could be a best friend, a sibling, or someone who truly understands you. If you’re craving more connection, try opening up to someone you trust or making time for the people who bring you comfort.

6. Privacy – Space to Recharge

In a world that’s constantly ‘on’, having time to yourself is essential. We need moments of solitude to reflect, process experiences, and recharge. If life feels overwhelming, schedule in quiet time—whether it’s reading, journalling, or just sitting with a cup of tea in peace.

7. Status – Feeling Valued

We all want to feel appreciated and respected. Status isn’t about wealth or power—it’s about feeling valued within our social circles. If you’re struggling with self-worth, take a moment to recognise your own strengths and contributions. Surround yourself with people who appreciate you, and don’t be afraid to celebrate your own achievements.

8. Competence – A Sense of Achievement

Achieving things—big or small—gives us confidence and purpose. Whether it’s learning a new skill, finishing a work project, or mastering a recipe, these little wins boost our self-esteem. If you’re feeling stuck, set yourself a simple, achievable goal. Progress, not perfection, is what counts.

9. Meaning – A Bigger Purpose

We all need a sense of meaning—something beyond just ‘getting through the day’. This could come from work, creativity, spirituality, or helping others. If you’re feeling a bit lost, think about what gives you a sense of purpose and take small steps towards something that feels fulfilling.

Final Thoughts

Meeting these emotional needs is key to feeling balanced and mentally well. If one of these areas feels out of sync, don’t worry—you can take small steps to bring things back into balance.

And remember, you don’t have to do it all on your own. Whether it’s friends, family, or professional support, there’s always help available. Prioritising your emotional needs isn’t selfish—it’s essential for a happier, healthier life. Why not get in touch?